A little note from Mallory:
So I'm taking a break from the normal adoption blog, and reflecting...
Last year at this time, I was frustrated, hopeless, and desperate. We had just spent all summer hoping and praying that our background checks would come through, and when they did, we continued to twiddle our thumbs waiting for our "child." I remember breaking down into tears various times in my office (hoping that no hormonal middle schooler would come by to catch me weeping). I was crying out to God asking "why, are we waiting so long?" I look back now and think what a short time we waited. However, in the middle of the desperation, it felt like an eternity. I am thankful for friends who prayed over us and calmed my frantic heart. God was always there just waiting to let His presence be known in amazing ways. It was a perfect part of God's perfect timing. I am thankful that God is outside of time.
Now a year later, I am the 30 year old mother of an almost 13 year old. I was beginning my senior year in high school when T was born. If I knew that my daughter was being born (at that time), I probably would have fainted in disbelief.
It's amazing where my 20's have brought me.
This is me on the first day of my senior year (6 weeks prior to T's birth). If I only knew, what was going to happen in Brooklyn, NY in just a few weeks?!?!?!
Most of you know, I recently celebrated my 30th birthday. As the big day approached, I looked back at the 10 years that will be now known as my 20's. I've learned valuable lessons and have grown as a person and follower of Christ. I am now approaching the 10 year mark of my service in student ministry and education. I guess I'm gaining experience and wisdom. My advice now has the experience to back it up. :) A friend told me that your 30s are empowering, and you begin to let go of the insecurities that captured us in our 20s. I'm waiting for that to happen! While pondering the 20's, I made a list of my life lessons that I easily and not-so-easily learned.
My 30th Birthday!
I have earned two college degrees, got married, parented a pre-teen, bought a house, traveled to multiple continents, lost friends and loved ones, gained new friends/family, worked 6 different jobs, and gained/lost 20+ lbs. I still have multitudes more lessons to learn.
For those of you who love me (or hate me) know that I am a meticulous list maker (part of OCD personality to keep control in my life- something God is still chipping away at). I took three months and made a list of my life lessons from my 20's. It's quite extensive. God has given me an "education" in life , and I know this can't be a complete list.
If you take the time to read this, I hope you learn something from this as well. If anything, it's a picture that God is a forgiving and patient Father that continually sends lessons my way, and I only pray that I am wise enough grasp onto his loving instruction. While some lessons are practical and seemingly blunt, others are learned through pain, love, and hard work.
Ps. I owe much of these life lessons to my parents who taught by example and not words only. My prayer is that my daughter will be the strong, smart, God-loving woman that my parents endeavored to teach me to be.
What I Learned in my 20s
(I've broken it down into categories for easy reference... it's ok to chuckle at me)
Family:
*My mom knew what she was talking about after all.
*A good dad will be your hero for your whole life.
*Invest in family time.
*Your sister is your oldest and dearest friend.
Relationships & Friendships:
*Cherish friendships and fight for them.
*Most people never mature past middle school but just dress it up with fancy words and justify their behavior. The difference is that middle schoolers admit when they were just being dumb.
*If someone cares about you, they’ll make time for you. If they don’t, then they won’t. But with that said, no one can make time for you all the time.
*My time is valuable. Make your life count for something outside of my own little world.
*People count. Stuff doesn't.
*People do silly stuff on Facebook (or what your social media platform of preference is). If you don't want people to know your business don't post about it where everybody can see it. Writing a status update about a person isn't really a punishment.
*Take care of yourself emotionally, spiritually, and physically or you be no good to anyone or anything.
*A good friend tells you the truth even when it hurts.
*Your speech is a reflection of your worship. Don’t say anything that you would not be able to say in front of your mother or child.
Guys, Love & Marriage:
*There’s a huge difference between loving someone and being in love.
*Guard your heart. Your heart is a precious commodity. Don't give it away to easily. If not given to the right man, it never comes back in good condition.
*Being single is hard but great and being married is even harder and greater.
*Finish college before you get married. You will never have enough time or money to focus on both appropriately.
*Pray for a genuine, God loving, and full of integrity man. Everything else is optional.
*Pinterest projects completed is not a measure of how good of a wife or mother you are.
There are good guys left out there. Just wait.
Emotions:
*It's ok to be by yourself and feel real emotion. God made them and made them for you to feel.
*Nobody can make you 100% happy. Joy is supernatural.
*Some times stuff hurts. You just have to suck it up and move on.
*Feelings are deceptive. You can’t always trust them.
Money/Work/Education:
*There are somethings that are worth a time or money investment: like education, ministry, people, pair of tennis shoes, set of cookware, and a mani/pedi.
*Set money aside for a rainy day. Spend less than you earn.
*You will work with incompetent people. Don’t be one of them.
*Embrace the college experience. You don't have to have a career picked out to go to college. Your major doesn't define you. You will grow more as a person than any book will ever give you.
*Being able to think critically and troubleshoot a problem makes you a competent adult, the top candidate for a job, and smarter than 90% of the other people in the US.
*Give regularly. Make a habit of giving money, time, and things.
Random Lessons:
*Don't buy a black car with black interior to drive in Florida. You'll have second degree burns for 9 months out of the year.
*Vacations are needed. Take them regularly.
*Take care of your car and it will take you anywhere you want to go. Written by the girl who is still driving her car from sophomore year of college!
*Every woman should know how to change a flat tire, change the oil, check, tire pressure/oil levels, and refill the coolant.
*If you can only do one thing in morning, make your bed! Nothing is worse than coming home after a long day of work, school, or both than a crumpled mess of a bed.
*Texting does not replace talking.
*The freshman 15 is not a myth.
*There is a quarter life crisis. Just snap out of it quickly.
*Your closet should include these basic fashion staples: good jeans, a black dress, classy pair of heels, comfy flip flops, a cool pair of shades, silver hoops, and a quality leather belt. Labels don’t matter...only quality.
*Have a diverse music catalog on your iPod and read a book.
Personal Choices:
*Patience is a virtue. A virtuous woman is hard to find. You want to be worth more than a bag of rubies.
*Own your mistakes and take responsibility for your choices.
*Don't let your identity be found in anyone else but Jesus. Be content in the woman God made you and you'll be beautiful in any man's eyes.
*Alcohol/drugs makes people do strange things. Make wise choices when dealing with that stuff. Don't put anything in your body that takes you out of control of yourself.
*Seek out spiritual and life mentors and heed their advice. They've been there and done that and have the life scars to prove it. If you can learn it the easy way, it will save you the tears.
*Vote. Vote intelligently. Know your American rights and History.
*Have an opinion, stick with it but be able to back it up.
*You can't do it all, and if you try, you'll end up frustrated and worn out.
*Go to dinner, the movies, shopping, and other things
alone, and be ok with it.
*Know how to count calories and cook a healthy meal.
Faith:
*Fall in love with God’s Word. It will never fail you.
*Your relationship with Christ is your most important investment.
*Un-forgiveness makes you bitter and unhappy. Forgiveness is not optional. Let things go and move on.
*There is no perfect church with perfect people. Just blossom in the body of believers that God plants you.
*God's purposes are bigger than my purposes, and God’s purpose should be my purpose. He shows up in Big ways!
*Pray in the car. When you’re driving to/from work, it’s a great time to talk to God.
*Life isn't fair, but God is sovereign.
After this pause of reflection, I'm ready to take these 30's by STORM!
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